97. Make a menz with an old friend (write, reach out)

This goal and posting is a little more serious than normal, but when I wrote and published my 101 list on the world wide web I also made a commitment to be as dedicated and honest as possible.

We all have had conflict in our life. Sometimes it easy to let go and sometimes it's not. Don Henley put it beautifully when he famously sang,

"There are people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

You better put it all behind you baby; cause life goes on

If you keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby

I've been trying to get down

To the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak

And my thoughts seem to scatter

Forgiveness

Forgiveness...."

Those who know me well also know that I dislike conflict or confrontation.

In fact, my "dislike" definitely crosses over into the "avoidance issues" zone but that's a whole different matter.

That being said, just because I like to avoid conflict does not mean that I have lived my 26 years of life without disagreements, disappointments, or struggles with other people.

When I wrote this goal there were three people in particular that stood out in my mind. For whatever reason, I had a "falling out" with that person. While it may not have been anything dramatic or even serious, it's something that I have continued to think about. Again, conflict... particularly unresolved conflict... doesn't sit well with me.

Well luckily one of those people ended up reaching out to me in a random matter and must have been feeling the exact same way as me. We were both quick to spill our apologies and own up to whatever role we played in growing apart. It was nice to know that we both have matured a least a little :) The hatchet was buried and it's such a great feeling to know that relationship is now open and benevolent.

Then I returned from my recent Antarctic trip to see that another olive branch had been extended by a different person on that list. I realize it's easy to hide behind technology and fake braveness behind texts, e-mails, or Facebook but in certain cases that is for the best.

I received a very brief message that was friendly and light, but after having not talked to this person for the past 5 years, it was pretty surprising to be hearing from them. So I took the opportunity to write back. I also kept it light but mustered up an apology and atoned for any mistakes or embarrassing behavior I had committed.

It could have all been easily avoided. I could have just stuck to the witty chit-chat and acted like the issues had never happened, but the air had to be cleared. I nervously hit "Reply" and had no idea if I should have even said anything.

To my relief, I did get a response and the message was just what I had hoped for and more. Their response offered acceptance and also validation. I definitely feel like a menz was made.

Now I have more confidence to reach out to that third person and if nothing else, just let them know what is on my mind. In most all cases all that has been needed (and probably ever was needed) is a little communication and honesty. Just like Don Henley says, "We all need a little tenderness."

http://www.mojvideo.com/video-don-henley-the-heart-of-the-matter/2e64c64dc8c8f38318a7